Vacancy needs filling.
I am currently accepting applications for the role of Permanent Full-Time Husband within my company/life.
-You must be able to put up with fangirling. This may include, but is not limited to, arm flapping, squeaking, gasping, fainting and spontaneous rainbow vomiting/jizzing.
-You must have at least a mild interest in gaming and a willingness to further develop your gaming skills and interests. You must be willing to put with the fact that I don’t always live in this universe and may occasionally make brief (or prolonged) forays into fictional universes.
-You must actually like decent food. In decent amounts. Stuff with fat, calories and sugar in.
-You must be able to speak an actual language. Applications showing signs of pointless abbreviation, bad grammar/spelling or inappropriately informal terms will be disregarded. (If English is not your first language then you may appeal against this decision and request your application be re-evaluated).
-You must find the internet delightful, Tumblr addictive, fandoms heart-warming and hipster culture irritating.
-U mst axcept Dolan in ur haert nd contynue to trik gooby.
-You must be able to display a willingness to support me during my bouts of Pathologically Eccentric Weirdness.
-You will be able to see through that last lie and realise that my life is just one long bout of Pathologically Eccentric Weirdness.
Please pick up an application form at the reception desk, fill it in and return it as soon as possible. It may help us to process your application more quickly if you attach a copy of your CV and a covering letter.
It may help even more if you attach a 6 inch chicken breast sub on Italian herbs and cheese bread, toasted with plain cheese, cucumber, a little bit of lettuce, onion, barbecue sauce and light mayo.
If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to get in contact.
Thank you for your interest in our company.